I’ve been struggling for a long time to see what God has planned for me. I don’t know why I feel like it is so important to know what my job in Christianity is supposed to be but for a long time I feel like I’ve been waiting to see. I’ve been conserving my energy and keeping ideas to myself, unsure if and when I should share them. I’ve had ideas for entire lesson series that are unique and completely my own original ideas. I’ve ran those ideas by my closest and most honest friends to see what they thought about them. Turns out I have some pretty good ideas.
The problem is how and when do I go through with these ideas.
I’m 36 weeks pregnant so it’s not an ideal time to be starting a new bible study group or really leading any type of group. However with my newly found free time that comes in the form of maternity leave I see a new opportunity to connect with other Christian women and their children.
I often find encouraging or inspiring Christian sources on Pinterest and this is one I’ve saved and churned over.
Right now the only plan I have, that I know has to be aligned with God’s will is to have this baby boy. I have no idea when my husband will get a job. It’s been a year of him applying day in and day out for jobs, finding job descriptions that are exactly what he wants to do only to find he’s already applied for that same job… It’s been a year of dead ends, of interviews with no employer follow ups. It’s been a year of “the other guy got the job” or “I don’t know why they won’t even respond to let me know they got my application”.
But even moreso, it has been a year of people thinking he’s not even trying to get a job.
How can we even make plans when we don’t know where we will be in a year?
God has yet to show us where he wants us to be, because it seems if we were going to stay here then wouldn’t my husband have a job already?
In all this uncertainty we trust in the Lord.
Sometimes it is the hardest thing to do, but we do.
Sometimes it’s the hardest thing to push through everyday. I’m not going to lie it’s been a really long and tiring 8 months knowing I was the only one making money (we don’t qualify for financial assistance because we have a tiny bit of money saved for emergencies.) and working 30-40 hours on my feet while going to school and growing a baby wasn’t making any of this easier.
I’ve been told pregnancy is the most joyful and exciting part of pregnancy, planning and preparing for a new life. But it’s mostly the longest and most stressful part of preparing for a new life! Thankfully, I trust in the Lord and found a lot of patience and have been extremely blessed by the wonderful people in my family and church family. They showered my baby and I with wonderful gifts that have helped me find a sense of security. I know feel ready to welcome our baby boy into this world. Without God providing these loving people in my life I wouldn’t have that sense of security and preparedness. God showed me that I have to trust him no matter what because he is taking care of me. He is taking care of us.
I still don’t know what his plan is for me. But I’m ready for it!